U.S. Talk show: N Kinds of Jokes About Barack Obama and George W. Bush-Second
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“A very happy St. Patrick’s Day, everybody. Of course, St. Patrick’s day is a little different this year. Nobody’s got any green left.” –Jay Leno
“Hey, a little quiz for you. What is the difference between an AIG executive and a drunken Irishman? A drunken Irishman spends his own money.” –Jay Leno
“In fact, President Obama’s so upset that he changed his slogan from, ‘Yes we can’ to ‘oh no you don’t!’”
“The Republicans are on board in this, too. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley told AIG executives — this is what he actually said — he said they should either quit or commit suicide. But I think that’s plain wrong. I mean, why give them the option of quitting?” –Jay Leno
“New research out of the University of Virginia says that our mental abilities begin to decline around the age of 27. In fact, by the age of 50, many of us are thinking at a President Bush level.” –Jay Leno
“I want to tell you, a beautiful day in New York City. Am I right about that? It was so nice today that AIG gave a bonus to Al Roker.” –David Letterman
“By the way, while you were laughing, AIG just handed out another $100 million in bonuses.” –David Letterman
“In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, the water in the fountains at the White House today was dyed green, which might be the only green a lot of Americans see this year so enjoy it.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“They had a big St. Patty’s Day party at the White House tonight with corned beef and cabbage, green beer — the whole thing. It’s an important part of Obama’s everybody get drunk and forget about the economy policy.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama is very upset with AIG. He said the problems at AIG were caused by greed, to which AIG said, ‘Well, what do you think the ‘G’ stands for? Hello!’” –Jay Leno
“AIG, which already received $170 billion in taxpayers’ money, paid $165 million in bonuses. But they say the bonuses are justified because the company made an extra $170 billion last year.” –Jay Leno
“Earlier this week, Republican Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa said that AIG executives should follow the Japanese model by publicly apologizing and then doing one of two things — either resign or kill themselves. But why not have them resign, then kill themselves on pay per view, huh? That would raise enough money to pay off everybody they screwed.” –Jay Leno
”George Bush is writing a book. No, that’s not the joke. It’s a serious book about the 12 toughest decisions he made as President. It’s called ‘The Ten Toughest Decisions I Made As President.’ It’s a good book. It’s a pop-up book.”–Jimmy Fallon
”I want to go to Papa Jong’s, the new North Korean pizzeria. It is going to be good. The delivery policy at the North Korean pizzeria is a little different. If the pizza is not there in 30 minutes or less, the driver gets executed.”–Jimmy Fallon
”In worthless drain on taxpayer money news, insurance giant AIG. is on the hot seat because after they took billions of dollars in bailout money, they gave $165 million out in bonuses to their executives. So now, lawmakers are demanding that they give the money back. The problem, though, is that legally they’re entitled to the money so it’s a dilemma. But I have an idea I think might satisfy all of us and also adhere to the letter of the law. I say, instead of mailing the bonus checks to their houses, we put rocks on them and we put them at the bottom of an enormous piranha tank. We set it up in the middle of Times Square. You want the money, swim. There it is.” –Jimmy Kimmel
”In fact, you know what AIG stands for? Anybody know? Adventures In Greed.” –Jay Leno
“It’s past midnight. So it’s officially St. Patrick’s Day, everybody! But here in New York, it’s tough. It’s tough, with the economy struggling. In fact, the drinks are so expensive, no one can afford to throw up anymore.” –Jimmy Fallon
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